The story of a pregnant woman's night.
At the end of the day, when all is said and done and a pregnant lady finally gets to rest her head, she finds herself in the middle of a battle field.
Bedtime. Or at least that's the goal.
I first fight the urge to lift my larger than life maternity pillow into the bed in hopes of being able to snuggle with husband. I finally get myself up on the edge of the bed, one cheek at a time. Swing my heavy tree trunk legs around and lie down. Trying to catch my breath, I grab the covers with my toes (since I wouldn't dare try to reach them) and struggle to get them up to my chest... Finally husband notices my poor self and grabs them for me. I then lay down, still trying to catch my breath, and roll over in the most
We roll towards each other and grin, knowing that any efforts of love are impossible. Still trying to catch my breath, I realize that, undoubtedly, I will need that huge pillow. Being the stubborn woman that I am, I resist. "I do not need a pillow to help me sleep. I'll be fine." Right side. Grunt. Left side. Grunt. Back... Here I am out of breath just trying to get comfortable... when I realize I will, indeed, need that durn pillow to sleep. By this point husband knows what I need, and he gets up, grabs the Loch Ness monster of pillows and wraps it around me. I prop myself up on it in efforts to get this new body comfortable. Prop the belly, "rearrange," grab my blanket, catch my breath (again), and finally get comfortable.
"Whew, what a long day," I begin to think. "Tomorrow I'll need to wash the dishes, vacuum, call this lady, run that errand.... Oh hey Madison, thanks for that little wiggle!" Now that I'm comfortable, I have to pee. So, I slide half my pillow off the bed like a gate, and scoot to the end of the bed. I catch my breath before standing up for my mad dash to the potty. Waddle, waddle, waddle... I make it just in time. I have to sit on the toilet for a minute or two simply to (you guessed it) catch my breath before my journey back to my beloved (pillow).
Into the bed... one cheek at time. Grab the sheets with my toes... Ok, forget it. I'm sweating anyway... Snuggle my pillow. Catch my breath. Hm... Maybe this time I'll get some shut eye.
I'm then whisked away to the hospital, my husband is at work and my family is no where to be found. I deliver my little boy (BOY????) who has a full set of adult teeth, mustache, and can talk to me. Needless to say that made nursing a little.. awkward.
I look down at my belly... Rhythmic jolts startle me.
I sit straight up... "Whew, only a dream."
My belly is still dancing, though. One after the other... Hiccups. Madison has the hiccups. You may saw "Awwww," but it's not very cute in the middle of the night when it keeps you from sleeping. I try to distract myself and just get some sleep.... BUMP BUMP BUMP... I now get an opportunity to try and soothe my unborn child, which is really darlin, at any time of the day. I rub my belly and sing to my sweet little angel, rocking her to and fro. It of course doesn't help, but I end up rocking myself to sleep. For a few minutes.
Madison is soothed, and settles really low into my pelvic area. Of course. There goes the bladder. I forgo any efforts of "taking it easy" and sprint out of the bed, over my pillow, around the bed, over the laundry (and through the woods), and onto the toilet. Just in time. Huff. Puff. Huff. Puff. I try and catch my breath, and end up nodding off on the toilet. "Well this isn't safe.." I finish my business and mosey on back to the bed.
Into the bed... one cheek at time. Grab the sheets with my toes... Ok, forget it. I'm sweating anyway... Snuggle my pillow. Catch my breath. Hm... Maybe this time I'll get some shut eye.
I close my eyes out of exhaustion. Oh... and the heartburn. Can't forget the heartburn. Am I carrying a fire breathing dragon in there?... Then I wonder what time it is. Can't see the clock over my belly, can't roll over to grab my phone, so I must sit up. "Megan, chill... It doesn't matter, " I tell myself. It's driving me crazy at this point to know what freaking time it is. I wiggle myself off my back like a turtle who's been placed on it's back, and check my husbands clock. 5:13am. Great. There's no point.
WONK WONK WONK WONK
Construction workers.
BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP
Alarm clocks.
Finally sleep finds me. 6:30-7:20.
When I'm supposed to be getting ready for work.
"It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood..."
oh... and btw, I opened the shop today
5 comments:
HAHAHA!!! Oh my gosh, you have me dying laughing amidst the incessant sneezing! I feel so bad for you, but you tell it so well!
Ok yeah, I'm still laughing.
This made me laugh out loud!! I felt like I was re-living my pregnancy!!! LOL! I had that almost EXACT dream that Preston was born with a full set of ADULT teeth & could talk & he would get hiccups EVERY night when I laid down..right towards the very end you will get that burst of energy...mine turned into some sort of psychotic energy, I was supposed to be on bed rest yet I was cleaning baseboards..with a TOOTHBRUSH!!
Your body is just getting you ready for the lack of sleep when Madison gets here. Preston doesn't wake for nightly feedings anymore but he does wake to play at 2am and other odd hours. I envy people who sleep in until 9am these days...
Megan, you are great hahahaha
Luckily my little guy (who doesn't have a mustache, I think?) is quite settled at night. Hope that means he will be later on too!!
Oh how I remember those days, except add 3 dogs that sleep in your bed and a 1 year old who wakes up crying 5 times a night because he lost his binkie. It's a beautiful thing! lol Hang in there. It's amazing how we as women can forget all that and do this time after time. Hope you get some sleep tonight!
I know it's not funny at the time, but it's funny as all get out to read. Excellent writing. You reminded me so much of my 1st pregnancy. What's a pregnancy pillow? Had no such thing 28 yrs. ago. But I had awful asthma, oxygen tubing to entangle and such a need to piddle so often! huff puff huff puff
This too shall pass. Gotta go check out the shop!
Janet
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