Honest Mama

Since this is my blog, and I can say what I want, I'm going to be honest here...

This is not easy!
I know no one said it would be, but no one said it'd be this hard either.
I feel like I'm losing my mind.

My husband is right.
I've set unrealistic expectations for myself.

I anticipated having the house clean..
laundry done,
baby dressed,
mommy dressed,
hair and make up done,
and dinner on the table
when husband gets home.

I'm lucky if I even brush my teeth.

My little girl is fussy.

A lot.

I feel totally responsible because I'm still figuring out this whole feeding thing. I am at my wit's end with breastfeeding, and I don't know what to do. Today we are trying formula to see if she is a bit happier. She's been much more content, happy, and alert. So how am I to force myself to breastfeed her when I know something else makes her happy?

My mind can think of only one thing...
how to feed my child, and which method is best.

My head is spinning.


reFresh reStyle said...

Good luck! Take care of your baby and yourself, the rest will get done in time or not and it will be ok.

Anonymous said...

Hey Doll, First i am sorry. her daddy did better on formula than breast milk :) Don't worry about the cleaning , cooking and other stuff it will still be there later, enjoy your time with Madison! I LOVE YOU!

Your mother in law :) said...

meant to sign your Mother in law

Gillian Mohlman said...

Megan, it must have been one of those days yesterday and today because I was feeling the same way! Mia normally isn't fussy but I got a taste of it ysterday and it was tough.

I on the other hand do not have breastfeeding problems, but I just had a thought for you. You should make sure she is gaining weight because if she isn't, maybe you don't make enough milk so she is still hungry?? So supplementing with formula would be maybe a good thing! I know people say breastfeeding is the best thing for your baby- but honestly, you have to do what you think is best for your baby. You are the only one that knows what can help her!

Just remember that you are her momma and she loves you and with the help of the lord, you will be guided in knowing how to help her. She may be a fussy baby, but she will grow out of it.

Don't worry about keeping the house clean. Mine is a mess right now- and I always feel better when my house is clean- but our babies are only this small once. Take advantage of your time with her- even though it's hard when she is fussing so much of the day.

It's OK to let her cry, if you need to, put her down, walk away, and take a breather to collect yourself. I had to do that yesterday.

You are a good mom and you will be ok! Love ya sista.


Ashley said...

I am sorry! I felt a lot of the same things after I had my first. We had a tough time breastfeeding and I ended up supplementing. It wasn't my ideal situation and I was disappointed but I quickly realized that no matter what my main goal was a healthy, happy baby and if formula was doing that, then so be it. It turned out he had a very sensitive tummy and required special formula; something I couldn't have forseen. Don't beat yourself about it and don't feel guilty for not having everything done. I feel like those first months I was just in "survival mode"!

Bettina said...

Sorry to hear you are having a hard time. Remember you are still in the horror stretch. They tell me it lasts approximately til about 3 months. But at 7 weeks I can tell you I am starting to see some light at the end of the tunnel. It's like he changed over night. Went from crying whenever a boob wasn't in his mouth to be happy to chill on the floor looking at things above him and smiling away. To the point that I was thinking "who are you?!". I'm not saying we are in the exact same position but I can tell you I barely got dressed or off the couch in the last 7 weeks. Things are starting to improve. I feel your husband is right, don't expect too much from yourself in these early days. Being with your daughter is exactly where you need to be and all you need to be doing. Thinking of you.

Amanda said...

I'm so sorry Megan!! Praying for you and Madison!

fAveritte creations said...

I didn't want to have to supplement either with my son...but I wasn't producing enough milk after about 8 weeks. I was disappointed because I had it in my heart and head I would breast feed until he bit me. But I knew his health was more important then my little mommy goal. I would breastfeed him in the morning when I knew my supply was more and then in the afternoon. I think with breastfeeding there are sooooooooo many "rules" that it can be stressful which doesn't help milk supply. I say anytime she seems fussy...just see if she is hungry with supplementing formula.

As for the house being clean...let it go. These moments when they are so young go by so quickly. Trust me...my son will be 2 in July and it seems like yesterday we were just bringing him home.

Dishes can wait, laundry can wait, dinner doesn't have to be extravagant...these moments with your new baby are precious and you can't get them back.

So...congratulations momma and Happy 1st Mother's Day this weekend :)

Rebecca Rejoices said...

Megan, you are part of the Mommy Club now. It will get better, and soon, but let me be the one to tell you--one day, you will be sitting with your BFF over coffee, and you will completely forget her name. Sleep deprivation, stress, etc. I hope your BFF is also a mom. If so, she will completely understand. :-)
And not taking a shower until the baby is, oh, 8 months is completely normal. :-) Anyone who matters won't care.
P.S. On breastfeeding (to nurse, or not to nurse, that is the question!), let your baby guide you. They really are smarter than you might think...and let go of judging yourself about it. You just have to know you are making the best decision for your baby, whatever that decision ultimately is.
Hang in there!

Janet said...

Oh, Megan, it IS hard. My first was 8 weeks premature so I pumped and delivered by bottle to her for 6 weeks while pros took care for the most part. She came home with awful colic, being used to a bottle, refused to nurse (much harder work) and went to bottle. My second the pediatrician wouldn't let me nurse because of med transfer through milk, the same med that went through the placenta for 9 months and that his sister got for 6 weeks into her tiny body. He had colic, too. Riding in the car calmed one, only a carriage worked for the other. Let up on yourself!! Sometimes our best plans don't line up with God's. I know you know that, but I also know you're exhausted. Nap when she does, if you can. Pray when she's quiet. Keep reaching out. Love ya, sister in Christ.

Lindsey said...

It gets easier, I promise! I tell everyone that it takes at least weeks to really get the hang of breastfeeding, and another month after that before you can do it without thinking about it anymore. I would really encourage you to keep at it, because the benefits of it are so many (I know you know this, I'm just being a voice of encouragement here). It's very common for moms to have trouble breastfeeding following a c-section - the drugs given during the surgery affect lactation hormones in your body. Supplementing with formula isn't the end of the world, but it tends to be a slippery slope. Email me if you want some natural alternatives to boost milk supply. Also you may need to adjust your diet to weed out some common foods that cause fussy baby tummies. I really hope you are enjoying your first Mother's Day and that you have a breakthrough soon... more than anything, know that you are not alone! We have all been there on the unrealistic expectation thing!

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