Invited Myself for Coffee

Chrissy has Friday Coffee Dates, and I invited myself today because I have a lot to talk about. She won't mind. 

If we were sitting down right now I'd probably just start to cry. I'm emotional and I've had a rough week. I'd tell you about that phone call I got at 12:25am Monday morning that delivered the news that my Papaw had passed. I'd say that I knew it was coming, I was ready for him to go see Jesus, but it still hit me like a ton of bricks. I wept through the conversation with my mom and crawled back in the bed and wept some more. I'd tell you how upset I got that I stressed out my sweet nugget. I'd tell you that nothing compares to mommy guilt. I upset her and I could feel her moving much differently than ever before. She was stressed because of my emotions. It's a terrible feeling.

I'd then tell you how exhausted I was the next day. I'd tell you how all I wanted was to be with my mom, aunts, & grandmother, but I could not miss work. They were busy making preparations for the funeral.

I'm sure I'd tell you about the spiritual service we had for my grandfather. The military funerals are hard and nothing I ever experienced before. They first folded the flag that lay on top of the casket in a very militaristic manner. Have you seen this before? It touched my heart. I sat right behind my grandmother and got to hear the officer say "On behalf of the President of the United States, the Department of the Air Force, and a grateful nation, we offer this flag for the faithful and dedicated service..." It struck me as weird because Papaw was a sailor, in the Navy, but the presenters were Air Force. I'd tell you how I lost my composure hearing and see my Mamaw being presented the flag.

Have you ever been present at a 21 gun salute? It's... Well I don't know how to explain it. I was embarrassed slightly because the guns made me cry out in mournful tears. I'd tell you how cool it was, and how my grandfathers love for America was on great display. 

I'd then tell you that my dad sung "How Great Thou Art," and my husband played to saxophone to a delicate "Amazing Grace" arrangement.

I'd wipe my tears, and lay my head on your shoulder. 

I'd apologize for being so talkative and not listening to your week, knowing I had much more to say.

I'd tell you that one of the weirdest emotions I had ever felt was when they rolled the casket away. It was like they were taking him away forever. Even though he's not there, he's dancing with Jesus, it was just weird.

I'd tell you how grateful I am for May 17, 2010. During a Harvest service at church I prayed for salvation so hard. I prayed that the lost in the congregation would come to know Jesus. I prayed to the point of tears and dizziness. That night my Papaw and my Fiance (at the time) realized they had no relationship with Jesus. 

After I wiped my tears, and blew my terribly snotty nose, I'd tell you that I'm getting ready for my babe to be born. I long to see her more and more each day. I'd ramble on about my blog, and how I'm TRYING to get a shop open, but cannot find the time to work. I'd tell you how I feel stupid when I talk about opening a shop, but how I feel like I must be confident at the same time.

I'd show you a picture on my phone... The nursery. The penciled tree mural on the wall...

I'd hug you and apologize for being so talkative.


Nats Knapsack said...

I would hug you right back and tell you that you can talk and cry all you need! I am so glad we had coffee this morning! I will be praying for you- love your nursery by the way- so cute!
What a great mom you are! <3

Come by my place when you need a refill on your coffee

Ashley said...

I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I have been to a military service before (my grandfather's)and the 21 gun salute gave me chills. What a wonderful way to honor a life.

Jen the CraftinCowgirl said...

Hugs to you! I lost my Grandpa a fews years ago and I still remember the pain. :o( Keep thinking of all the great memories. I know they don't make everything better, but they do bring peace :o) Hang in there!

Janet said...

I've been told I have a good crying-on shoulder, even from hundreds of miles away over the phone. If you can't reach an IRL friend, and an online one, would do,email me. I'm so sorry for your loss and so glad that you know he had a relationship with Jesus before he died--and you had a part in that!! Glad you had your crying coffee, got your tree sketched. Can't wait to see it. Love you, sister. Janet

momto8 said...

we in our family thank him for his service...God bless all of you.

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