.a baby's smile.

Tonight I was questioning a few mommy decisions, and doubting my motherly instincts. I am still figuring out the whole feeding thing. How often? How much? Why is my girl so fussy?

I was crying and praying while my baby girl was crying inconsolably in my arms. I prayed for God to help me to trust my instincts and to love my girl like He loves me. I prayed for wisdom and guidance. I looked down for a brief second and saw something quite similar to this picture and I felt better.

I don't have all the answers, but I know to trust my instincts. That smile didn't last very long, but for a short period of time I saw a twinkle in her eye that encouraged me to keep going.

I know that God was speaking to me through my little girl. One of the many lessons I've learned through her, and one of many more to come.

Now, why am I upset and confused? I nurse her first thing in the morning, and Madison drinks 4 oz out of a bottle 3 times during the day while I am at work. One of those feedings is a formula bottle (I'm ok with it so don't judge or tell me it's wrong). We then cluster feed on demand after work as we settle into the night. Around ten or so she gets another formula bottle (I'm ok with this one too, so back off). She fusses. A lot. Some of the questions that jump around in my head are... Am I not feeding her enough from the bottle? Is it my diet? Is her system developed correctly? Is it the formula? Are we feeding her too much? I feel like our little system is working, I just think that not all babies are happy babies. She has great moments, but she is very inconsistent with her happiness. But then again, maybe I'm just making it up? It seems to me if she is gaining weight appropriately, then the amount she is getting is plenty? So many questions, but I'm trying not too worry or get too deep into my questions... We'll work it out. God's on my side, and he has given me this precious soul to care for, and I'm honored to be a mother.

1 comment:

Bettina said...

How old is she Hun? She is still only really young yeah? They just have periods of being unsettled. It does get better I promise. It doesn't reflect on anything you are doing and it sounds like you have the feeding routine worked out now. One thing that helped us was putting him down to sleep when he starts getting cranky. Prior to this I was rocking him to sleep and sometimes it took hours with as soon I put him down he would cry and fuss again. Also forgetting the clock and just following eat, play sleep really seemed to help. Hope it improves for you soon. You are doing a great job!

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