My child doesn’t like me.
She doesn’t know that I’m her mother, and I don’t know what to do.
Is this just a phase?
When I pick her up from her Nanny’s house she may smile when I walk in the door, but she doesn’t run to me or get excited about me. I feel l only catch her attention when I have food or something she wants. She has never really called me mama. When I was nursing, you could kinda hear “mama” in her cries, but it was never distinct.
I battle some demons that attack me for being a working mom. I tell myself that if I stayed home she would love me more, or at least act like I was in the room. That she would act like she even knew who I was. Some days she doesn’t even want to play with me. She is so independent. She really needs no one. She has never been the type to crawl up in your lap and just sit with you. She does that when she is sleepy and when she is sick. She rarely sits in my lap, she rarely hugs or kisses me. I could leave her in the nursery at church with complete strangers and she doesn’t really care much when I come and pick her up.
We have “moments” every now and again where she will do something super sweet, but it is usually short lived. It does make her hugs, kisses, and snuggles that much more special when I do get them. Though, she has never been one to need snuggles or rocking. At night, she just wants to put herself to bed in her crib. Music. Blanket. Crib. No more, no less. Did I create a monster? Or is this just her personality?
I know some mommies battle with babies that are super attached. I wish for one moment my child would miss me while I was gone.
I wonder if this is how God feels about us.
He provides for us. He gives us food, water, all our needs, but we ignore him. We act like we don’t even know he is with us. In this moment I must follow the example of Christ and love her unconditionally anyway. If she never expresses her love to me again, I will give her my all. I will work hard during the day with her precious face as my motivation. I will bend over backwards to make her happy. I will make silly faces and play peek a boo for hours on end if that is what she desires. Whatever it takes for her to know I love her.
It may be years before she realizes how much I love her, but I will still keep pressing on.
My sweet, smiley, independent child.