I'm lazy.
Spiritually lazy.

Not in a "I don't want to work" kind of way, it's worse than that.
I'll work. I'll cook. I'll serve.

The hard part is in my personal life.
I find all kinds of excuses to not do my quiet time. Thank the Lord that I have a husband who encourages me to. I don't pray enough. Like really pray. I will pray for my day, his day, her day... Her grandma... Sick child... Hurting friends. But what about the stuff I don't want? Like brokenness before the Lord? Transformation? A new, pure heart? I'm lazy.

We are having revival at my church right now. Not the services kind, but the heart kind.

The pastor said that doing our quiet time does nothing for God.
Spending time in His word does nothing for Him.
It's all for us.

{I have a point, hold tight}

You see I have been doing my quiet time, saying my prayers, so on and so forth to please God. To simply check it off the list so that at the end of the day I can show God everything that I have done.
"See, God. I did it... Now bless me, k?"

It doesn't work like that.
The quiet time & prayer allows us to know Him better.
Which allows us to be better vessels for Him sharing His word. Showing His love. Helping brothers & sisters.

The only way God is glorified is through us making disciples in His name. Spreading the word. Being a light into a dark world.

 19 Go therefore and make disciples of all the 
nations, baptizing them in the name of the 
Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit,
 20 teaching them to observe all things that I
 have commanded you; and lo, I am with you 
always, even to the end of the age.” Amen.
Matthew 28:19-20 NKJV

Without daily submission to His will and His word we aren't able to "go therefore and make disciples."

Instead of doing daily quiet time to check it of a list, I need to do it to be in preparation for battle. I need to dive in face first for me. To prepare myself to hear from Him. To become closer to Him so that I can hear His guidance and His will for me. The quiet time is not for Him. It's for me.

I need to pray for the things that really matter.
Where do I fit in? 
What's MY calling.

Other things I'm struggling with right now:
Where do I fit in? Where is my place in the church?
You see, hubs is musically talented. He leads worship for our youth on Wednesday nights. The Lord has blessed that ministry, and my husband enjoys leading them so much. I don't feel like I fit. I don't feel like that's for me. I go with husband, support him, and help him with the slides for the lyrics. Is that my place though? Is that all, Lord? 

I helped with the young girls' ministry at one point in time, but it pretty much fell apart. For many reasons (none of which might be right or wrong). I apparently have too harsh of a personality to work with teenage girls. Am I wrong? Do I need to soften? Is the cold hard truth about drinking and premarital sex what these girls needed to hear (yes, duh)? Did I present in way that was "mean." 

Apparently this post got me in trouble and was misinterpreted, which hurt my spirit. 

There was drama, as to be expected with teenage girls. Or any age girl.
It was too much for me. People being mean & attacking me because I told the truth to the girls. My telling the truth out of love was interpreted for being judgmental. I was broken. All my efforts to love, care, and befriend these girls was misinterpreted. Did I do it wrong? 

I let it defeat me. I lost my confidence and my will to serve.

Now, I don't know where I fit in at church. I don't know where my place to serve is. I'm asking God for guidance. I'm asking Him to show me where. Does my heart need to change? Am I even fit to serve anywhere? 

...just a little bit of transparency.


Jacy said...

Megan, I'm on the same page and you're not alone!
I don't understand how someone can be offended by your other were honest but you were talking mostly about yourself and your personal battles. If someone takes offense to that, that's between them and God, not them and you.

I'm struggling with the same thing. It's hard to take that quiet time to pray, for you...some people make it looks so easy but I think we just look at them that way. They struggle too...we all do, because we are "flesh."
Let's pray together about our spiritual laziness!! :)
Love ya girl <3

Sherry Calloway said...

The best way to fund your place is to get in there any do "something"....even if you eventually discover it is not for you. Everything we do produces growth in us. With Madison's arrival so close, I would suggest that you shelve this for now. Focus on your health and your baby. During this time of waiting seek God's guidance on where He wants to use you. He will honor your willingness to serve and He will show you the direction He wants to lead you in. I love you and I am so proud of you.

MamaMonki said...

Oh I struggle with all those things too. We are struggling to find our place at our church right now. Things have changed (the minister has had a personality flip) and we feel like the whole mission of the church has changed. We love our church family and hate the idea of leaving... but we really suspect that that's where God is leading us. I'll be praying for you to find your place.

Lani said...

Megan, What a difficult yet power post you just wrote. I can relate and understand where you are coming from. I just finished my post for tomorrow and the 1LW link up. I have to say I have some simular struggles. I included the link to this weeks sermon in my post and think you might enjoy it. Its hard to hear, but its what I needed to hear. Love you sister in Christ, praying for you.

Nats Knapsack said...

You are so right on with this post about quiet time. I struggle as well. I struggle with reading His word and praying like I should. I too can easily pray for someone else and ask God to help them, but I don't often sit in quiet and spend time with God. Thank your for pushing me too!

MELANIE said...


What a beautiful post...I will not offer any advice as I myself am lost sometimes as well. I am working on trusting and walkin in a deeper faith but I struggle with the ways of the everyday outside world.

I will pray that he shows you your place and that it will be a perfect fit.


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Lindsey said...

There are so many things about your post that I said "amen" to. As for not fitting in at church... well... *raises hand.* I have NEVER fit in at church. And I've tried every group. I read your other post and girlfriend, I was right there... 20 years old, in college, married, no kids... none of the "adults" at the church were interested in being friends, all the college students weren't in the same place as us. So... yeah. Many lonely days. But thankfully, God led us to a much better place 10 years later... friends our age, in the same place we are, and a home church! :)

There is no "right" way to have a relationship with God. BUT there is definitely a wrong way... which is to try and do it the same way as another person. Our God is a personal God and He will meet with you when and where HE pleases. So, be open to His Spirit, and He will show you where He wants you. {hug}

Janet said...

Oh, Megan, I hear and feel and understand this (and all) in your post: "Now, I don't know where I fit in at church. I don't know where my place to serve is. I'm asking God for guidance. I'm asking Him to show me where. Does my heart need to change? Am I even fit to serve anywhere? "

BTDT, been misinterpreted, hurt, etc. You are doing a work for God right here! Everyone who reads these words is challenged spiritually. When my health declined to where I couldn't physically do youth ministry (I fell apart at a weekend retreat, back pain so bad I had to leave early) I was devastated. I found very shortly after, online missionary program run by Campus
Crusade, by a man my church supports and has forever. God would never make you unfit for service and remember, the church isn't the building, it's the people who fill it and who don't.
in Christ's Love,

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