I'm a Baby Hoarder

When Madison was an infant, I was accused of "hoarding" my child. I was told that I was possessive and that I was going to spoil her, especially since I was breastfeeding. She would supposedly want no one but me and her father.

I stand strong to tell you that I was a baby hoarder.
Hi. I'm Megan, and I'm a baby hoarder.

I stayed home with my child as much as possible. I didn't really want people holding her during her naps, and we didn't go out too much. I "hoarded" my child. As a working mom, it was just my natural instinct to want to be home with her and soak up all that I could of her newborn snuggles.

Today, I hoard my family. On many Mondays we will have a nice, fresh, clean week ahead, but by Tuesday, maybe Wednesday, our entire week/weekend has been booked. That is, unless we hoard our baby. Unless we hoard family time.

With labor day weekend coming up, we have family coming to town, and we are super excited about the activities we have planned. We can't wait to see our sister, brother, and sweet niece (with her new glasses to boot!). After making those arrangements, though, it is so easy to slip into the cycle of "yes." Yes, we will do that. Yes, we will go there. Yes, we have free time.

Just because we have free time doesn't mean we have to book it up, even if, especially if, we feel obligated. Don't get me wrong, it is super important to spend time with extended family - they are precious to us. They do come second to immediate family, though {GASP!}. I am a strong believer that if we have adequate time at home just the three of us, we function much better as a family unit. We get along better, we eat better, we play better, etc. If our tank is not full of "home time" we do not go out and about with family/friends.

What about honoring your mother and father? There comes a point in time in life where honoring your mother and father mean doing what is best for your new family, your immediate family, your household as we call it in the insurance world.
{note: this is not a passive aggressive jab at any of my family members - just some thoughts!}

I read in a marriage book recently {Sheet Music} that many couples are taking the challenge to not be away from the house more than two nights a week. Many couples told stories of the sacrifices they had to make, but they also shared how close their family unit was. We have church on Wednesday nights, and usually a weekend outing. Other than that we protect our family time. Extended families don't mean any harm, but extended families can pull us away from a noble cause. "Good" events can, too. Such as church, ball practice, ballet, music lessons, etc. They are all a great cause and are so very purposeful in expanding your child's knowledge and skill, but at what cost? If it is causing more stress than joy, is it truly an adequate expense of your time?

Are you willing to sacrifice family time for things that aren't worth it?

Hello, I'm Megan, and I'm a baby hoarder through and through.
Oh, and my child is social and enjoys other people just as much as her mommy.

Tantrums? Never!

I mean, I have tantrums sometimes.
I get mad, say things I don't mean, and do things I regret.
Shoot, sometimes I throw stuff.
Or wanna hit stuff.

It's a natural reaction to our emotion.

How do we address this with our children?

My child is what I like to call passionate.
She knows what she wants, and she knows when she wants it.

If she doesn't get it, she is mad.

Hopefully, this will mean that in her adult life she will chase after her dreams and let no one stop her or get in the way. Hopefully she will stand behind a cause and be passionate about it. Hopefully this will translate to her being strong willed {yet kind} and determined.

Today, I didn't do something she wanted me to do
{like give her my phone, or let her smash the computer, or carry around our car keys}
and she got so mad at me, she wadded up her shirt and clamped down on that sucker with her teeth. She just bit into it like a mad woman.

Now, I can relate to those emotions and those feelings but I cannot accept that behavior. I am opposed to spanking her, or popping her on her hand for tantrums and rages like the aforementioned because she will just lash out even more.

What I have been doing though is just removing her from the situation and removing my attention from her. I let her work through her tantrum and try not to laugh because, seriously, it's hilarious sometimes. A time out, if you will.

I don't know what else to do. Suggestions?
Do you have a "passionate" child?

Sweet Summertime (15 Month Update)

My sweet girl is growing so fast. I fall more and more in love with her everyday. I know that all moms love their children, but for me to say I'm falling in love with her more and more triggers something deeper. Something more gratifying. There was once a time when I didn't know if I loved her. I didn't know if I even really liked her.

Now, she smiles at me, she kisses me, she hugs me. I love her love, and I love our relationship.
Madison is so much fun. She babbles constantly, but some of her favorite words are Dada, Hey, Dog, This, Bath, Uh oh, and go. Her favorite toys right now are a stuffed "cat cat" as she calls it, a little lap top, and anything that resembles a "daw dawg."

She has five teeth and still eats like a champ. She has only refused watermelon up until this day. She eats anything, seriously. She plays well on her own, and loves her bath time.

This girl is crazy in love with her dada.

She points to everything and can point to friends and family when asked "where's so and so?" She can identify her favorite characters of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. Madison has taken 16 steps at once and is pretty much walking all over our living room. She is still unsure about her balance, but will be consistently walking soon.

We spent some time out in her new little pool this weekend, and she had a blast!

Life and A Baby Swimming Blurb

Life is happening.

I'm not really inspired to blog.

It's not really a priority, but it did bring me joy.

I did enjoy it when I had time for it.

I'm trying to balance life and enjoy it.

I'd love to say "SO much is going on"

And I'm "too busy."

But I'm not... I just don't want to right now.

So for now, an update in pictures.

Madison tolerating the float for a brief moment with her Papaw.

 

So, of course it is Summer, so we have spent some time outside and by the pool. Madison is a fish. She absolutely loves the water. She wants us to completely let go of her and let her swim on her own. Unfortunately, I have not educated myself on teaching infants/toddlers to swim, and am not comfortable with just letting her do what she wants. She gets annoyed with a float and practically wants to be shoulder deep in the water. I love it! She is such a fun water baby. She kicks, splashes, and dunks her face into the water. I've got to get some resources on making swimming more fun for her and educate myself on how to teach her to swim safely. Do any of you have any resources? Suggestions? Links to videos?

Madison's 1st Birthday

What a wonderful celebration we had for our sweet Madison Lyric. We had a simply backyard get together with our family and closest friends. We served fruit, veggies, cupcakes (made by my talented sister in law!), and a little bit of cheese - some of Madison's favorite foods. She got several great gifts and some darling outfits! We made a significant contribution to Madison's college fund as well. We encouraged our guests to invest in Madison's future by giving to her college fund, and several of our friends & family did so. 

Madison loved opening presents, playing with her cousins, and eating her home-made cake. The icing was made of organic cream cheese, organic yogurt, and a little apple juice. The cake batter was whole wheat flour, apple juice, and 4 bananas. I garnished the cake with strawberries. She picked them off first and then dug into the cake. I had no doubt she would be a mess and dive in!

What a great year it has been learning about mother hood. Through the good times and the bad I have seen the Lord working in me teaching me about how much he loves us. When Madison cried in the middle of the night yearning for me and my comfort. This is just like us and our Abba, father. Mother hood is sacrificial, but the most rewarding job ever. Madison is in such a fun stage, we are actually open to baby #2!

Family Pictures

{I'm really at a loss for words. Sometimes I try to be inspiring, sometimes I try to be funny, and sometimes I try to bring the facts. I have none of the above to bring to you. Instead I share family beach pictures.}

ocho.

Ok, sorry. I lied to you guys yesterday.

Today I am going to do Madison's extremely late 8 month update.

Where do I start? She's a mover and a shaker. She wiggles and she giggles. She is not crawling totally yet. She gets too mad to actually try. She kinda squirms around a little, but is not officially crawling. I get kinda concerned sometimes because that's the first thing people ask, "Is she crawling yet?" She's not... part of me does not care, but then another part wonders if I should be concerned.

Madison had a great time during Christmas, but I will not elaborate on that since it's technically not supposed to be in her 8 month update {from the 13th}.

She is such an eater. She will eat all day and all night long if we let her. We've had some complications with nursing lately. She arches her back and screams, not cries, screams, at me. It's just not fast enough for her. We are trying to work out way through this and help her to learn that it's different when mommy feeds her. She's done so good for so long, so I can't hold it against her. I won't force it on her if she doesn't want to continue nursing, but it will break my heart. It will also break the bank. We aren't ready for that financially. Nursing Madison exclusively on the weekends is what boosts my supply back up for the week, and if she decides not to nurse any more, it will be formula all the way.

She has become very social and loves children and babies! Unfortunately she shows her affection aggressively. She grabs and pulls other children to her. Some children soak it up and love her "baby love" others hate it and want her to get away. We hope it's just a phase and that it doesn't develop into biting, but if it does we will address it.

Madison does this thing where she goes "eh! eh! eh! heh! heh! eh!" And if someone does it back to her she will just keep the chain rolling with a mocking game. It's pretty cute. She loves mommy's iphone and wants to eat it constantly.

We tried a little more solid foods for her to pick up and eat herself, but she was not interested. She's lazy and wants someone else to feed her. Her pincher grasp is in full effect though - she will feed her self puffs by the handful if we let her!

Madison is an all around good baby. She can be taken pretty much any where - shopping, out to eat, church, long trips- and she is good to go!

That's all for this months very late update!
Mother of the year right here.
BUT... The outtakes from this month pretty much sum up my girl.

Madison opens her gift....

We bought Madison this sweet Monkey and she loved it! She got so excited when she saw it behind the paper! Just watch for yourself!
{I apologize in advance for the baby talk!}

I hope you all had a very wonderful Christmas! I'll fill you in on ours and do a full recap tomorrow!

The truth about Madison's birth day...

Madison and I snuggling after our first nursing session the day after she was born.

{if you read any of this, please read the end, at least.}

I have something that I need to let go of.

I have a burden that I am carrying.
Some thoughts that I need to let out.

I still mourn my daughter's birth.

She was born via C-section, which is not at all what I had planned.
{i know, i know... don't make plans for your birth experience}

Sometimes, I feel like it could have happened differently.
I feel like it's my fault for not demanding exams when I felt that something was wrong.
I blame myself for being ok with not seeing the doctor that day.

You see, my doctor is the best local doctor at turning breech babies.
He has a great track record and is highly recommended for turning a breech baby.

My doctor was out of town several times during the last few weeks of my pregnancy.
He had a sick father.
A conference.
... and a vacation.
So I did not get examined properly the last few weeks like I should have.
In fact, some of my last few appointments, I didn't even see a nurse practitioner. All of my levels were good, and everything seemed great on paper. I knew something was wrong. I knew at 36, 37, and 38 weeks that feeling the pressure I felt in my ribs wasn't right. Not bad, just not right.

At my 39 week appointment I got my first pelvic exam.
He didn't feel Madison's head. In fact, he couldn't identify which part of her body he felt. My sister was with me when we received this news. He ordered an ultrasound for a few days later, but I still remained calm. I didn't really worry too much at this point. I guess I was in denial.

When my husband and I went to the ultrasound appt, the tech confirmed my fears by saying "What's she doing all the way up there??" I just cried, and cried, and cried.... We went on with the appointment and the doctor delivered the news that I was too far in my pregnancy, and my amniotic fluid was too low for a good chance of getting her turned. He informed us that we could still try, but at this point - it would be dangerous. We scheduled a C section for the following Friday. April 13, 2012. Friday the 13th.

To some of you this is old news, but here's the catch.

I blame my doctor.
He went out of town.
He was gone.
I did not get the proper examinations.

I feel that if I had been given the proper care, we could have identified the situation earlier in gestation and possibly avoided the problem. I could have had more than a few days to try and get her to turn. I would have had more fluid to ease her into the right position.

Then, I think... what if it's my fault?
What if my body is deformed, and that's just where she fit?

I get angry with my doctor.
I get angry with myself.

I blame my birth experience for my depression.
I blame my birth experience for my breastfeeding problems.

Many moms can say that their child's birth day was the best day of their life.
I would say it was the scariest and most traumatic day of my life.

Of course, reality quickly settles in, and I realize...
My baby girl is developing beautifully.
She is happy and healthy.
Madison is beautiful.
Yes, we had some scary NICU moments, but she is doing just fine.
No blame is needed.

I have to thank my doctor & sweet nurse who delivered my baby. They did so great. They brought her into this world safely and perfectly. My doctor was so sweet, and knew what a wreck I was, so he didn't even put staples on my incision. He knew I didn't need that.

Now, I must move on to the obvious.
Thank you, Jesus. You have created all things for good. You brought us through some rough days that sometimes seem so far behind us! I thank you for the technology to bring my baby safely into this world and to sustain her after her birth. I thank you for my doctor, he is so smart, kind, compassionate, and godly. He cared for me and mourned with us as he delivered the bad news that hard day. I thank you that my girl is super healthy. I thank you that you gave her to us. I know that you protected us all on that Friday, and you were there with us in that operating room. It was scary, and several things went less than perfect, but we are all safe and healthy because you have taken care of us. Thanks, Jesus.

After I sent my husband this post for proofing {as I do with most of my emotional posts, and I suggest you do too!} he said this:

"God works ALL THINGS together for the good of those that love him! Not just the good things. ALL. Our daughter is perfect. She is an angel straight from heaven. She isn’t an angel that became a fetus and then a child. She is just an angel. I love her so much. And I love you so much more! “

I must mourn this birth experience and put it to rest, now. I don't know why the Lord chose for me to have a C-section. I don't see his plan in this, but I must have faith that it was what was best for the both of us. I must put to rest the envy of mothers who have experienced labor pains. I must put to rest feeling like I didn't get that "right of passage" that other moms get with childbirth. I must stop saying that I didn't "birth" Madison, and that she was just "taken."

Hospital Gown {My version of Crafty Cupboard}

I wrote this post a while back... when I was pregnant, and I am just now realizing that I didn't post it. LOL... how convenient huh? This post was written long before I knew I was going to have a C-section when I was all gung ho on natural labor. Since Madison decided to be breech, this post is a little ironic.

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As I sit here still.pregnant with all our bags packed, ready to go... I'm going to share with you my hospital gown. Now, let me be extremely clear so the pinterest police don't try and arrest me...

This is not my original pattern. I got the free pattern from this cute and talented young lady

here

I found the idea on pinterest, though. 

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Now, none of us enjoy those lovely, drab photos from the hospital with those nice washed and worn hospital gowns on, do we? Well let me tell you, I will not be wearing one of those. NO ma'am, and will probably do my makeup, too. Will I pay $60 for one of those darling gowns from etsy? Haha... You're joking. I made my own with the help of this wonderful madam!

First, I found this wonderful fabric from the Lobby of ultimate Hobbies, paid like $5 a yard, and got about 3 yards!

 I then printed her pattern found here. Her tutorial states that it is for a "small-ish" person. Well, I indeed am not anywhere close to the term small, so I extended her pattern a bit using construction paper. (see below)

 Because this chick from The Crafty Cupboard is genius, we just measure how far down we want to take our pattern instead of wasting tons of paper. I held up my tape measure to the center of my chest, draped it over my belly and found that I needed 38 inches to bring my pattern piece to a desirable length. I then pinned my tape to my fabric (are you even supposed to do that?) and began cutting out all the pieces.

 All of her instructions were great for cutting out pattern pieces.

When it came time to cut the outside of the front piece, I did get a tad bit confused, so let me show you how I did it. I took a fancy fabric regular ole pencil and drew an "A" line from the bottom of the pattern to my 38 inch belly allowance.

When the front is cut out, it will look like this... Remember it's cut on a fold, so this is just half.

After cutting out the front, I was left with a funky looking piece that looked like this....

 So I folded it up in such a way that I could get my sleeves out of this piece and not waste it. (see below)

 In the original tutorial, she mentions needing extra length in the sleeves. I can dig it. So, in order to add extra length, I simply did not line up my pattern piece to the edge.

See? I added some extra length and width to my sleeves because not only is this pattern made for "small-ish" women, I have larger than life biceps. Not the cute kind, either. 

 Then, I used my front piece as a template to cut my two back pieces. Wowzers. Look how large and in charge!!
Def not "small-ish"

Next I cut out the yoke. As if I needed more reason to feel like some cattle-like farm animal... I was also able to use some scraps here. Word to the wise... These need to be cut out perfectly. I mean peeeeeeeeerfectly. Mine were just a weeee bit off, and it threw off the whole shape of the neckline. Fortunately, boat neck was in style at one point in time.

 Next, she instructs us to "place our sleeve piece with our back piece......." Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaa?
I was lost. I had a total blonde moment here and had no idea what this genius girl was talking about.  After staring at her picture, and staring at my pieces, I finally figured out she meant to do this.....

Sleeve and back piece...

lined up and pinned.... Ok. Got it. 

 Of course we sew this together, and finish our edges. Check.
Next, is the yoke. Apparently I sorta jacked this part up, but it worked. I did not use interfacing because #1 I didn't have any and #2 felt works just as good for me.

I sewed together the front/back just as the original tutorial instructed. I just used felt instead :) It was a pain ironing down the outside edge of the curve, but totally worth it not to have to turn this little... yoke.

This next part is where her pattern gets tricky, expensive, and time consuming - and where mine gets... ghetto-fied.

I took bias tape and slipped the bottom of the yoke (I'm beginning to hate that word) into the center and sewed it down.

 I then ruffled my front piece as she instructs, but I do not use snap tape to secure it. I, again, use a much cheaper option - bias tape.

 Everywhere she used snap tape, I used these little gems.

They were a much cheaper option for me... Since they came in a vintage sewing box I bought at a yard sale. Now, it did take a little more precise hand stitching, and maybe even a few not so nice words, but it totally works. I still have the option to unhook the front and arm pit-ish area to allow for nursing... but not show off my whole oh-so-sexy shoulder and football player arms.

Everywhere else, I followed her instructions... adhering the sleeves to the body, and so on and so forth. She does a great job explaining it, so we won't re-hash it.

I hemmed my "little" darling hospital gown and finished the edges of the back.I also added bias tape ties to the back in such a way that it actually closes the back-end of the gown. This allows for epidural (hopefully not) access if necessary, and makes things easier for post par-tum stuffs as well.

One thing i'd change? Make the arm pit holes bigger. I just feel like that ole armpit seam is all up in my arm pit bidness. Other than that... Love it.

full front

close up of collar

front- open for nursing

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Now, I never got to wear this durn gown after I worked so so hard on it. The pre-op nurse told me that it would get filthy in the operating room. Hello. My nasty hospital gown came out spotless. Your gown stays on the non-surgical side of the sheet during surgery.

Why am I just now posting this? I forgot that I had the demi -tutorial all typed out and such. This is a great gown, and it is so cute - I just don't really know what to do with it now.